Living in the Past
by Liquor Chugging Knight
Summary: (2 Turks + 1 Shinra Mansion) x a multitude of memories = ?


**********  
  
Disclaimer:  
I will skewer anyone who says it's not mine with a barbeque stick and a very blunt poker  
  
This is for those who wonder. And for those who love. Unrequited or not.  
  
-liquor chugging knight  
  
**********  
  
Living in the Past  
  
By: liquor chugging knight  
  
Thunder rumbled in the distance, making me pause in my futile attempt to resurrect my car, and look up. The sky was gray, a drab, glowing sort of silver clouded firmament that somehow made me think of that blond haired, spike assed ex-soldier from AVALANCHE. This was because this sky I looked at wasn't the rain-clouds-from-water-vapor kind of clouds; these clouds were infused with chemicals that spewed thickly from the flues, vents, smokestacks, and whatnot of Midgar a long time ago.  
  
Before Midgar was destroyed.  
  
So like these clouds, Cloud was also not the real thing, sprinkled with Mako energy since his years as a soldier, that made him into what he was now, a cold-hearted, killing machine, an unfeeling selfish prick with eyes that glowed.  
  
Strange.  
  
Turning my gaze back on the damned car, I realized that if this thing didn't turn over soon, I would be stuck in this dirt road, soaking wet with no place to go.  
  
"Looks like rain."  
  
I paused and looked at the man beside me. He had been pushing the reluctant car for the past six hours, while I merely sat inside it, steering the car towards easier terrain. Sweat trickled down his face and his hair clung to his head. It was only now that I got out and helped him, for the car needed no steering. It was mostly uphill from here to Nibelheim.  
  
Suddenly, on a relatively flat plane, he stopped to wipe the sweat off his face. He turned to me, slightly panting from the exertion, and gestured at the cursed scrap of metal that was my car.  
  
"We'll never get there in time." He said, shaking his bangs out of his eyes. I glared at him and grunted in response, straining to push the car by myself.  
  
"The distance of Nibelheim from here takes about three hours to walk if you're fast, five if you're slow, and ten if it's raining. And that's only if it were a flat plane and not going uphill."  
  
Here he paused to check if I was listening, which I was not.  
  
"Like right now, you're already going uphill, you're pushing a car, and it's going to rain soon."  
  
'Just keep on talking smart-ass. I feel damn better already, what with your invigorating speech and eloquent tongue.' I thought ruefully, throwing my weight against the stupid car.  
  
It didn't budge.  
  
"I mean, sure we'll get there, but we'll be soaking wet by then, and bone tired." He continued, ignoring my flushed face and ragged breath that came shorter and shorter each time I tried to get the car moving.  
  
".and we haven't had a descent meal since the Golden Saucer."  
  
I wheezed.  
  
"And then we'll have to get it fixed there, and I don't have any money, and I don't think you brought any with you either..." He said, ticking off a finger for every reason he could make up as to why we should just the leave the car, my car, out here in the open and just come back for it the next day.  
  
I panted.  
  
"...then we still have to find shelter, because I don't think the people of Nibelheim will welcome us with nice, soft beds and a warm meal, considering the fact that they blame us for whatever cockamamie voodoo mumbo jumbo Sephiroth did to their village.."  
  
I shot his nasty looks between huffs and puffs.  
  
".and that thing about the Mako Reactor that Shinra set up there, hoo boy..." he whistled, totally unaware of the many deaths I had pictured him dying of in my hands.  
  
If only I could make this car stop rolling downhill and lay my hands on that spindly little neck of his.  
  
My hand twitched enigmatically at the thought.  
  
I sighed, which made him pause and stop wracking his brain for every conceivable incentive to ditch my car, and he faced me.  
  
"You really plan on pushing that rustic tin can all the way to Nibelheim?" He asked, touching my arm and making me pause from my senseless endeavor of making the useless piece of machine move. I shrugged his arm off and stared at my hands, on the trunk of my car.  
  
"Anything's better listening to your list of the perfect raison d'être for me to leave my car."  
  
He snorted.  
  
"You got a better idea?"  
  
I shrugged.  
  
"Just face it, that car will never turn over." He said as if he was stating the obvious.  
  
Which, in truth, he was.  
  
"Well then, if you refuse to be my knight in shining armor, go on then, so I wouldn't have to listen to you groan once it starts raining and you have no place to go." I snapped irritably, wanting more than anything to hit his smug face as he just stood there, surveying me, laughing inwardly, no doubt.  
  
'Chivalry was, indeed, dead.' I thought, cursing him.  
  
Pushing my hair from my face, I shoved at the useless contraption, straining and half-grunting, unsure of whether I should focus all my attention on getting this.this treacherous piece of metal to move or to tell him off for not helping me.  
  
.when the car moved.  
  
Opening my eyes, I looked at him with a mixture of annoyance and gratefulness, and he smiled.  
  
I cocked an eyebrow.  
  
In answer to my elevated eyebrow he smirked at me and winked.  
  
"Anything for a damsel in distress."  
  
I rolled my eyes and swatted him.  
  
**********  
  
It started as a thin sheet of snow.  
  
After a few minutes of bickering and grunting, I was suddenly aware that it was very cold and my back felt wet. When I looked around us, I realized it was already snowing.  
  
Strange, that I didn't realize it earlier.  
  
This served as a problem to us.  
  
Firstly, because the road became slippery and more treacherous, wherein we would sometimes slip and skid about three feet back or so, and the car was more likely than not to veer off course. With no one at the wheel, we had to pause after every few minutes so that I could correct its direction while he held the car steady to prevent it from sliding back down, all by himself.  
  
Secondly, because as the snow began to fall faster, it accumulated on the road and formed drifts, which was okay at first because it helped provide us with better footing and in fact speeded out ascent of the hill for a time, but as we climbed higher, the drifts grew larger, too. And it was all he could do as I scurried round the car, clearing away the snow and making a path for us to go through.  
  
Thirdly, because it was damn cold and it soaked our uniforms. And I hate it when that happens.  
  
So by the time we got to the thirteenth, humongous, seemingly impassable bank, we were exhausted, drenched, and cold as hell.  
  
When I made a move to leave his side once more, he raised a hand in protest.  
  
"'Nuff." He said, through his scarf. I hesitated, and turned back, as he flopped down to the ground, and I followed suit.  
  
I was shivering involuntarily and when the adrenaline rush faded, I realized that I was parched. I yanked at his muffler to get his attention, pointed at my throat, and made a motion to indicate that I wanted a drink. He nodded, signaled that he understood me, and handed me his hip flask. Accepting it gratefully, I raised it as if to say 'cheers!' and downed it in three gulps.  
  
It was warm.  
  
I sighed my relief and then I remembered that there was nothing left for him to drink. Wriggling closer to him I spoke, my voice, which came out raspy and curiously loud, surprised me, breaking the silence.  
  
"I'm sorry. I didn't leave any." I said, handing him back his thermos. "Are you thirsty?"  
  
He nodded.  
  
"I am really sorry. But how are you going to drink? There's nothing left."  
  
He shrugged and scooped up a handful of snow. Then he looked at me and smiled. I looked back at him, suspicion forming in the back of my mind.  
  
"You're not-" I began, slowly edging away.  
  
.then he pulled down his scarf and munched contentedly at the snow.  
  
I stared at him, dumbfounded.  
  
He looked back at me, snow clinging to his lips, and he smiled, offering me some.  
  
Strange.  
  
**********  
  
So we abandoned the car.  
  
The notion of turning around and running back to my beloved car's side was a sore temptation at the back of my mind, but I knew it was hopeless. I had to leave it.  
  
So I did. I just come back for it after the thaw.  
  
Actually, I tried to turn around once, but he caught my wrist, and his eyes boring deep into mine, speaking volumes. But mostly, the bottom line was something like:  
  
Don't be stupid.  
  
So I trudged up the hill, counting how many months were left till spring so I could finally reclaim my car, with his hand firmly clamped to my arm. Not too tightly that he would have hurt me, but tight enough for me to get the message that I wasn't getting away that easy.  
  
I grumbled at him, told him that that car was my life. That It was the first thing I bought when I became a Turk. That It was where I realized I wanted to stay with the group no matter what happened. That that car was my baby.  
  
Unfortunately, the only compassion I got was a coat thrown across my shoulders when I fell into a coughing fit in the middle of ranting about how that car had changed my life, and a free piggy back ride until the next town.  
  
Until Nibelheim.  
  
When we got there, the snow storm had diminished somewhat, but he wouldn't let me go back.  
  
Don't be stupid.  
  
He gave me that look of his again and I rolled my eyes in response.  
  
Yeah, yeah. I know.  
  
The sight that greeted us was nothing less of your typical horror movie.  
  
Deserted town, cold, lifeless houses, boarded up windows, and of course, the crème de la crème, the mansion at the top of the hill, towering over the rest of the buildings, making them look like doll houses.  
  
It cast an imposing shadow, the moon lining it with a soft, radiant, almost ethereal light that made me think of things along the line of parallel worlds and mystical energies, like you could see the planet's life source or something.  
  
Shaking my head, I cast a look around at my surroundings and felt uneasy.  
  
He must have felt uneasy, too, for he set me down, gently but with the unusual care that only came with wariness, like you knew something was about to happen but you didn't know what.  
  
"Thank you, however reluctant you were, to play the role of my knight." I said, trying to relive the jest of a few hours ago.  
  
He remained silent.  
  
"Okay," I said, a little crestfallen that my ruse didn't work. "Where will we stay?"  
  
He looked around yet he still remained silent.  
  
"Hey!" I said, slightly miffed at being ignored.  
  
"I guess," he said, after a moment's pause, "that we have no other choice."  
  
With that he glanced at something behind me, his expression unreadable.  
  
Spinning around, I followed his gaze and faced the mansion, and I suddenly felt very, very cold. It was the last place that I wanted to be, yet he was right, we had no other choice.  
  
I made a move to go up the stairs leading to the mansion, yet he didn't stir from where he stood, and so I hesitated.  
  
"You coming?" I asked, putting up an air of nonchalance, trying to cover up the fear that made my voice shake.  
  
But just a little.  
  
He sighed, taking his eyes off the mansion and looking at me, his face a mixture of apathy and anxiety.  
  
"Oh, yes, I am." He replied. "But this place, you know, it gives me the willies. Especially that."  
  
And he gestured at the imposing structure that covered us in its shadow.  
  
I laughed at him yet felt the cold prickle of fear on my spine. Like something, no, someone was watching.  
  
'Willies be damned.' I thought as I rid my head of crazy, paranoid thoughts, striding up the stairs to the main gate. It towered above me, ten feet tall and fifteen feet across, with menacing spikes along the top that almost seemed like it was taunting you, no, daring you to jump over it.  
  
/Just waiting to skewer you when you have your back turned./  
  
I blinked.  
  
Eh? What was that feeling just now? What made me think that all of a sudden?  
  
Shrugging it off as merely a product of my over-exercised imagination and my childish fears, I pushed the gate lightly, and was surprised when it swung wide open with barely a hitch or the sound of rusted metal creaking from lack of use.  
  
Calling out to him, I gingerly stepped through the metal bars and picked my way across the unkempt yard.  
  
Dry grass crackled underneath my boots as I walked here and there, between broken pieces of pots, windows, and china that crinkled and broke when I accidentally stepped on them.  
  
When the strong rancid smell of something rotten that must have been here since time long forgotten hit my senses, I cringed, moving away slowly.  
  
.only to trip over a somehow-still-intact pot. I cursed in surprise and felt myself stop mid-fall when he caught me by the shoulders and righted me.  
  
"You better watch your language, young lady." He said, and I heard him laugh a quiet sort of laugh, with the air of a superior.  
  
"Shut up." I said, embarrassed of my awkwardness. He laughed again.  
  
"Come on. It'll do us no good to stay out here in the open." He said giving me a little push toward the door.  
  
As if on cue, the snow began to fall faster and harder.  
  
**********  
  
We were getting ready to go to bed, and he told me to pick a room upstairs. I was so excited with the idea of having my own room (usually all of us had to share one giant bedroom) that I bounded up the stairs, happily contemplating whether I would get a sunrise type of room or a sunset.  
  
Sunset. Definitely sunset.  
  
That was because I always slept in on mornings and missed the sunrise so it might as well be a sunset facing room. A room that looked to the West.  
  
In one of the rooms I found a safe, and my curiosity got the better of me, so I started twiddling the knob, trying to guess the combination of the lock, when suddenly, he ran in, and with a yell (NO!) tackled me to the floor.  
  
Confused, I looked at him and was startled to see his eyes blazing in such a way that it reminded me of someone.someone I met before.  
  
.perhaps someone I had fought with.  
  
.when Shinra still existed.  
  
At a loss for words, I opened my mouth to speak, and he silenced it with a finger to his mouth. As if he was warning me to keep quiet.  
  
I looked at him, confused as ever, because, to my knowledge, we were the only ones in the mansion..  
  
..So why did I have to be quie-.  
  
Suddenly, though I can't really quite explain it, it was like I was looking at myself, looking at him. Like I was watching myself in that room through an unseen mirror.  
  
A change seemed to have come over her (me in the room).  
  
He still had a finger to his lips when I heard some footsteps in the hallway outside.  
  
Feeling even more perplexed, I looked at the closed door that led to the hallway, and nearly gasped.  
  
There were shadows of two feet outside the door, pacing the hallway. Unconsciously, I held my breath as the two shadows paused at the doorway.  
  
The two figures in the room lay there, solid as stone, and I could see that his face was creased with worry, his body tense, ready to spring like a coil in any minute. His eyes were on the door as well, and I saw her (me in the room) turn her face away, fear in her wide eyes.  
  
But not fear of the unknown.  
  
It was fear.fear of being discovered.  
  
After what seemed like an eternity, the shadow moved away and I heard the heavy tread of footsteps getting fainter and fainter.  
  
I sighed in relief, releasing the air trapped in my chest.  
  
It was like watching television where you were the star and you have no recollection of filming any part of it, ever, yet strangely, it felt familiar.  
  
Strange.  
  
Looking back at the two persons in the room, my jaw nearly dropped.  
  
For, he was holding onto her (me in the room) as if it were his last day on Earth. I heard her murmuring words of comfort, and his death grip on her relaxed.  
  
He kept saying the something to her, over and over again. I couldn't understand it at first until I heard her repeating the words back to him.  
  
/I love you./  
  
/I love you./  
  
/Don't worry me like that./  
  
He drew back slightly, his hand on her face, wiping her tears away, tucking a stay lock of hair behind her ear. He spoke softly, and I strained my ear to hear it.  
  
/I'm sorry. It's my fault./  
  
She (me in the room) shook her head.  
  
/No. No. It's mine. I shouldn't have come in here. I'm sorry I didn't listen. I know you told me this room was forbidden, but the safe./  
  
/The safe isn't supposed to be opened. Please listen to me next time. What if something happened to you? I don't want you getting hurt./ He said, still stroking her face.  
  
/I promise. I'm sorry, I was just curious to see./  
  
/Don't. Don't ever open that safe./  
  
/Okay, okay. I won't/  
  
Then they both grew quiet.  
  
Expectant and hesitant in their silence.  
  
Then he began to lean in, his hand cupping her chin.  
  
'Oh God.' I thought. 'He's going to kiss me. Oh God. Oh God. Tseng! Think about Tseng!!'  
  
He breathed her name.  
  
I didn't hear it, but I knew it wasn't mine.  
  
I blinked.  
  
And stared, his face was scant inches above mine.  
  
With a yell I shoved him away, and he flew into a wall, crashed into it, and slid down, muttering something about crazy-psychopath-sumo-wrestler- blondes.  
  
I stood up and walked over to him, looking down at him where he lay eagle spread on his back, his eyes staring straight up at nothing and slightly cross-eyed.  
  
"You alright?" I asked, extending a hand towards him, while fighting the urge to laugh and get mad at the same time.  
  
"Yeah, yeah." He said, ignoring my hand and getting up, dusting himself off. We were silent for a moment before we both began speaking at the same time, asking the questions that burned in our minds...  
  
"What were you thinking when you came in here and yelled like that?"  
  
"What the hell was the deal with the safe?"  
  
"I don't know! I don't care about the safe! You called me something! You called me by another name! What did you call me?"  
  
"No, that wasn't me! I was just watching it happen, like I was watching TV or something. Please don't tell me that you had control of your own body that time."  
  
"I didn't have control of myself! I was watching it all happen, too! That was so scary!  
  
"How would I remember what I called you? That wasn't me, remember?"  
  
"And who was that guy in the hall?"  
  
"And who was that person outside the room awhile back?"  
  
"."  
  
"."  
  
"Um, nothing happened, right? Between the two of us?" I said tentatively, unsure of what else to say.  
  
"Right, nothing. Nothing happened."  
  
"So just what was that, then? Back there?" I asked, addressing the ruby haired man before me.  
  
"I don't know." He said, his a crease on his forehead, not entirely meeting my gaze.  
  
"Do you think that it will affect us?"  
  
"I don't know." He repeated, the crease in his forehead deepening; a scowl on his lips.  
  
"But it won't happen again, right?" I asked, trying to get some reassurance from him.  
  
God knew how much I needed it now.  
  
"."  
  
".right, Reno?"  
  
"Right. It must have been some flaw of nature, so it shouldn't happen again. It must have been one of those weird inexplicable things, you know..?" He burst out as he began pacing the floor. He spoke so fast I was surprised.  
  
This wasn't like him.  
  
".so don't worry about it, Elena."  
  
I looked at him incredulously, unsure of how to react  
  
He stopped pacing and turned to me.  
  
"Is that the answer you wanted?"  
  
"Do you honestly believe that?" I asked.  
  
"Yeah.I do." He replied, smiling at me ruefully, and I knew that he didn't believe his own words any more than I did.  
  
Lightning streaked across the sky, illuminating our surroundings.  
  
It was cold and I was tired.  
  
**********  
  
Whew! One and a half solid hours of typing, retyping and rereading just to do this. Oh well, it just came to me.  
  
This'll be an ongoing series.  
  
-liquor chugging knight  
  
I self destruct. (heart) 


End file.
